Are you the type of person that finds yourself doing things that you didn’t want to do, just because you didn’t want to upset someone else? We could end up ‘bending over backwards’ for our clients, children, partners, friends, because, let’s be frank, you’ve allowed their agenda to take over your own!
Afterwards, of course, you feel irritated with them and annoyed with yourself when you’ve wasted all that time and effort for something that has no value to you. You become defensive, because you know that the people around you take advantage of your good-nature, by making you feel guilty. Sounds familiar? As a ‘people-person’ myself, this has been the bane of my life so I’ve seen this as a major problem to be solved. And solved it must be because resentment is a toxic emotion, and if prolonged, can cause health problems.
I spent the first part of my childhood in Germany and the second part in Britain, which gave me an insight into both cultures.
British people tend to edit what they think to sound acceptable to others, so communication can be not so upfront at times.
German people tend to put facts before feelings, so, although seeming ‘brutally honest’ they get things done!
Excuse the stereotyping, but it just illustrates a point!
I could see the pros and cons of both forms of communication: the unvarnished truth on the one hand and being sensitive to others on the other. So how can we get the ‘best of both worlds’?Answer: The Assertiveness Technique.
Assertiveness enables you to be in tune with both your owns needs and the others needs EQUALLY leading to greater harmony and creative synergy. In other words you can bring out the best in each other without the need for manipulation. Most importantly the person who uses this technique will become more in tune with their own desires and needs, making them feel more empowered and respected, enabling better health and vitality.
So, you feel when demands are put on you, you say:
“I can see that you are having difficulty with XYZ and want some help. I, however, have to do ABC, so how about we try and work out a solution together that will help us both!”
Resonating rather than combating anything or anyone that we think is bad or wrong in our lives will enable things to improve beyond our expectations. This principle, used by homeopaths, is known as ‘like cures like’.