Looking for Love


Everyone wants love in one form or another. The impulse to bond is so strong that most cultural references point towards love or the lack of it – the pleasure and the pain.

From an energetic view point, we are electro-magnetic beings, so just like a battery, we are looking for our polar opposite in order to experience love. Another way of putting it is we are looking for our other half to make us whole. Bruce Lipton,  biologist (in The Honeymoon Effect) explains how people are like the reactive elements in the periodic table – their atoms have an uneven number of electrons in the outer shell that spins round the nucleus. When on it’s own it always has a wobble in it’s spin, so needs a particular atom of another element to exchange electron in order to balance each other out. Similarly we are attracted to our opposite, but the relationship has to become co-dependent to some degree in order to gain the stability that you are looking for with another.  This is why after the first flush of love, we start to feel that our love-life is not always a ‘bed of roses’.

A lot of long-term couples get locked in a drama with each other. A typical scenario may be that the husband does not like showing his angry nature at work because to may fear it’s destructive nature, so suppresses it when his boss seems to treat him unfairly. When he comes home, however, he will show his anger to his partner. Being equal and opposite, his partner may display another normally repressed emotion toward her husband in response, and they get locked in conflict and drama.

Although this may seem undesirable, it is a necessary and useful evolutionary step to help us heal and make us whole. This is because your partner holds the most accurate mirror in front of you to see the parts of yourself that you are not connecting with – Jung called this your shadow.

So we need to compromise in our relationships in order to bond and find stability – we need our partner to be a certain way for us to be happy and vice versa. There is always some price to be paid in terms of our personal freedom and spirit. However, when we want to live beyond drama, we need start focusing on our primary relationship, from which our whole life hinges upon, and that is with yourself. Whilst we were concerned about our access to happiness we looked outwards, but the ground we stand on will always be shaky if we do not know what we want for ourselves. Ask yourself “How do I feel about this situation and what do I really want for myself?” In this way, we can accept and reconnect with the parts of ourselves that we have been ignoring. This is how homeopathic remedies can help, by matching our shadow self, we start to truly accept and unconditionally love ourselves.

From this stand point our lives start to unfold in a more harmonious way, because we are no longer in conflict with ourselves and therefore with others because we live from our truth and not someone else’s expectations. So, in the case of the angry husband, he will be able to engage in his anger as and when he experiences the cause of his dis-empowerment, so he no longer has to bottle it up and bring it home. 

“When we look outwards we are dreaming, when we look inwards we’re awake” – C Jung

When we start being aware of, prioritising and acting upon our own needs and desires, we are in effect fulfilling all our own needs. We start to feel that we don’t need others to get love – they become an optional extra. Using Bruce Lipton’s analogy, in this way, we to turn into noble gases, which have a balanced set of electrons revolving around the nucleus of the atom, because we become self-sufficient, balanced and whole (AKA healed). You not longer create co-dependent relationships with others. What then  happens is that your relationships can transform into something bigger and better. As Bruce Lipton describes, they do not need, want or react with another atom in order to complete or stabilise themselves. Noble gas atoms, however, when in the same vicinity, as in a partnership would light up if bombarded with photons in order to produce laser beams. This partnership can be a tour-de-force and light up the world with their love.

In this type of relationship either with yourself or with others, we start to discover that unconditional love is not something that we ‘get’ or even feel with the aid of others, but that it is a state of being, from which everyone around you will benefit from.

Surviving Family politics at Christmas

“If you think you’re enlightened, then visit your family at the week-end!” – Ram Dass

Many clients tell me how difficult family relationships have affected them at various points in their lives. As adults, we start to have control who we spend time with and who influences us in our lives, but Christmas time is the one time where obligations overrule those choices.

Homeopathy always makes connections with our emotional well-being and our physical complaints. The body reflects our subconscious and will always try to express what you are consciously trying to repress. It’s as if it’s saying “I’m going to express this hurt/anger/upset (fill in the blank) if you don’t!”. So it is important to heal old upsets to ensure future health and well-being.

Our usual response to others when they misjudge us or don’t give us the respect we deserve is to direct anger and judgement towards them – this then creates dramas between people as the battle zones are drawn up. After many years those zones becomes entrenched and you no longer see them as thinking/feeling humans but more as one-dimensional pantomime villains. One common rubric I use to find a remedy for a client in such situations is ‘dwelling on past disagreeable occurrences’.

The holistic way of approaching this matter is to see that people and situations that happen ‘to us’ are a mirror to ourselves. No, it doesn’t mean that you are a horrible person, it just means that you are not judging yourself correctly. To illustrate this, when you feel on top of the world or in love you temporally become immune to adverse circumstances/people in your life. It would be even more beneficial if this was a permanent state of affairs.

I was reminded of this myself a couple of years ago. I used to find myself regularly in situations such as social gatherings where relative strangers would suddenly ‘attack’ me because I was a homeopath.  Their accusations were that I was doing very dangerous things to people such as giving them false hope and telling them not to take medication, whilst taking their money. This stirred up feelings of guilt and victimisation because I had not initiated the argument.

I knew I had to stop being angry and upset with the person, as this would perpetuate the drama inside me. Instead I let the situation tell me what I believed about myself that didn’t help me – which was that I felt responsible for other’s feelings and well-being, and I was scared if they were not happy with me. Once I could see this belief that I held clearly, it became obvious to me that it simply wasn’t true. Then it became easy to ditch this belief about myself, which made me feel much lighter and freer in all encounters with other people. I no longer had to engineer my circumstances in life so much in order to feel ok.

I work with my clients to help eliminate their emotional buttons, so that they become immune to the dramas that others wish to engage in. In doing so it can be seen that there is no need to improve ourselves (as many self-help books advocate), because once we get rid of our false beliefs of who we are meant to be, we see that we are already perfect! then we can start redefining who we really want to be – see Are you getting what you want out of life?

So one path to heal old upsets that have never been resolved is to allow yourself to be out of your emotional comfort-zone AKA Christmas family gatherings and use this as a learning tool to overcome past traumas and incorrect beliefs about yourself.