When life becomes a pain….

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There are many ongoing dis-ease conditions both physical and emotional that people suffer from nowadays that require permanent pain control:

In the light of increasing prescribed and self-medicated pain relief addictions, this article is going to look at how we can get beyond pain control. Not only will this solve the root of the problem, but give you more energy and a greater ability live life the way you want it to be.

One typical disease such as this is fibromyalgia – various painful sensations and sensitivities anywhere in the body. Although it can be managed with de-sensitising pain relief such as medication, ‘positive thinking’, relaxation techniques including visualisation and water therapy, the pain however still remains. Medical science does to not understand the cause of this condition and can therefore not clarify a route forward for sufferers.

So many are locked into a miserable cycle of chronic ailments with no sign of cure.

In energy medicine we understand that chronic or unresolvable disease symptoms are the result of two opposing forces locked in stalemate, after an attempt to correct an imbalance – because our systems have an in-built mechanism to maintain haemostasis (balance) in order to keep us healthy and strong.

What are these two opposing forces?

The first is your life force that wants clear dis-ease (or dis-harmony) out of your bio-energetic system so that you experience better well-being or health (harmony). This force however can be opposed by our conditioned responses that occur in our nervous system (a wiring that conducts our life-force), that block the energy to come through in the right way.

So for example, if someone is upset, but does not dis-charge the energy of that negative emotion through crying or attending to their emotional needs, by blocking it and ‘sweeping it under the carpet’, where do you think that pent-up emotion (energy in motion) goes? Into the unconscious part of us which is……the body. We use our body as a dustbin for all the unprocessed and therefore unresolved negative feelings, in the hope that we’ll never have to look at the  again!? Wrong! When someone does this, it is because they have been conditioned through survival programming to deny their own bad feelings because of many possible reasons, for example:

  • People would think they are miserable and not fun and would therefore not like them so much and not be with them.
  • People will take advantage of them as they would be displaying signs of weakness.

So one can see that the survival program forces you to choose safety over happiness: Survive or Thrive?

So over some time, if a person represses emotional pain from a number of incidents or unhappy ongoing situations in their life, the bio-energetic system of their body will have to hold more emotional charge. This is when the vital energy has to start trying to ‘discharge’ this increasingly problematic charge that will block the positive functioning or that person, just like a battery. If the life-force is successful, because the person has succumbed to it and ignored the social programming, they will have a good cry, and look at the cause of that upset, and how they could correct their thoughts and actions to create a better outcome in their lives. That would possibly mean breaking some of that social programming in favour of keeping their systems clear of pent-up emotional charges.

An example may be a person may have an ongoing situation where they are bullied or demeaned. They are too frightened to challenge or express anger because they believe that the person has power over them, either they could take something away, or not provide some them. Instead of remaining ‘present in their body’ sothat they can immediately sense that this is more damaging to them than any outside influence, they allow their fear of future outcomes to govern their response.

We all have many years of  pent-up emotional charges inside us and here is a way to discharge them: Pain is nature’s way of drawing attention to the body. When you pay attention to something, it receives more vital energy:

“Where attention goes, energy flows”

The problem with pain killers is that we block that diversion of attention, so that your body cannot heal. To illustrate my point here, I’ll use an event that happened to me: I was suffering from severe menstrual cramps and have always known that pain killers will block that healing, and I took it once stage further, by remaining fully present to the pain, no matter how excruciating it was.

Another thing to remember is that our nervous system is automated to run away from pain, and run towards pleasure. Thus most people are stuck in a cycle of compulsive fear and desire, never resolving their problem.

So what happened next was really surprising: I had managed to transcend the fear of pain and desire for relief, and got myself into a state of equanimity or “ok-ness no matter what”. It was at that point, that the intense pain turned into something completely different, like a flick of a switch, into a warm wave of loving, healing energy that felt incredibly pleasant!

What I gauged from this was that in my relationships, I have always neglected my own feelings thereby suppressing self-love! The act of paying attention to the pain in my body, just like a mother holding a crying baby and allowing it to express it’s pain, was an act of self-love. This then sets up a harmonious relationship within yourself that can enable your life-force to heal you now and protect you from future dis-ease.

My advice to anyone suffering from long-term pain, is to pay attention to that pain, by sensing it, without distraction from the mind. This includes not meditating and visualising, because that is running away  and managing it. If there are tears then you are releasing somatised (or embodied) emotional pain. This is a good thing, don’t allow your mind to tell you otherwise.

This exercise, transcends resistance and that is the ONLY cause of disease.

 

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Looking for Love

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Everyone wants love in one form or another. The impulse to bond is so strong that most cultural references point towards love or the lack of it – the pleasure and the pain.

From an energetic view point, we are electro-magnetic beings, so just like a battery, we are looking for our polar opposite in order to experience love. Another way of putting it is we are looking for our other half to make us whole. Bruce Lipton,  biologist (in The Honeymoon Effect) explains how people are like the reactive elements in the periodic table – their atoms have an uneven number of electrons in the outer shell that spins round the nucleus. When on it’s own it always has a wobble in it’s spin, so needs a particular atom of another element to exchange electron in order to balance each other out. Similarly we are attracted to our opposite, but the relationship has to become co-dependent to some degree in order to gain the stability that you are looking for with another.  This is why after the first flush of love, we start to feel that our love-life is not always a ‘bed of roses’.

A lot of long-term couples get locked in a drama with each other. A typical scenario may be that the husband does not like showing his angry nature at work because to may fear it’s destructive nature, so suppresses it when his boss seems to treat him unfairly. When he comes home, however, he will show his anger to his partner. Being equal and opposite, his partner may display another normally repressed emotion toward her husband in response, and they get locked in conflict and drama.

Although this may seem undesirable, it is a necessary and useful evolutionary step to help us heal and make us whole. This is because your partner holds the most accurate mirror in front of you to see the parts of yourself that you are not connecting with – Jung called this your shadow.

So we need to compromise in our relationships in order to bond and find stability – we need our partner to be a certain way for us to be happy and vice versa. There is always some price to be paid in terms of our personal freedom and spirit. However, when we want to live beyond drama, we need start focusing on our primary relationship, from which our whole life hinges upon, and that is with yourself. Whilst we were concerned about our access to happiness we looked outwards, but the ground we stand on will always be shaky if we do not know what we want for ourselves. Ask yourself “How do I feel about this situation and what do I really want for myself?” In this way, we can accept and reconnect with the parts of ourselves that we have been ignoring. This is how homeopathic remedies can help, by matching our shadow self, we start to truly accept and unconditionally love ourselves.

From this stand point our lives start to unfold in a more harmonious way, because we are no longer in conflict with ourselves and therefore with others because we live from our truth and not someone else’s expectations. So, in the case of the angry husband, he will be able to engage in his anger as and when he experiences the cause of his dis-empowerment, so he no longer has to bottle it up and bring it home. 

“When we look outwards we are dreaming, when we look inwards we’re awake” – C Jung

When we start being aware of, prioritising and acting upon our own needs and desires, we are in effect fulfilling all our own needs. We start to feel that we don’t need others to get love – they become an optional extra. Using Bruce Lipton’s analogy, in this way, we to turn into noble gases, which have a balanced set of electrons revolving around the nucleus of the atom, because we become self-sufficient, balanced and whole (AKA healed). You not longer create co-dependent relationships with others. What then  happens is that your relationships can transform into something bigger and better. As Bruce Lipton describes, they do not need, want or react with another atom in order to complete or stabilise themselves. Noble gas atoms, however, when in the same vicinity, as in a partnership would light up if bombarded with photons in order to produce laser beams. This partnership can be a tour-de-force and light up the world with their love.

In this type of relationship either with yourself or with others, we start to discover that unconditional love is not something that we ‘get’ or even feel with the aid of others, but that it is a state of being, from which everyone around you will benefit from.

Surviving Family politics at Christmas

“If you think you’re enlightened, then visit your family at the week-end!” – Ram Dass

Many clients tell me how difficult family relationships have affected them at various points in their lives. As adults, we start to have control who we spend time with and who influences us in our lives, but Christmas time is the one time where obligations overrule those choices.

Homeopathy always makes connections with our emotional well-being and our physical complaints. The body reflects our subconscious and will always try to express what you are consciously trying to repress. It’s as if it’s saying “I’m going to express this hurt/anger/upset (fill in the blank) if you don’t!”. So it is important to heal old upsets to ensure future health and well-being.

Our usual response to others when they misjudge us or don’t give us the respect we deserve is to direct anger and judgement towards them – this then creates dramas between people as the battle zones are drawn up. After many years those zones becomes entrenched and you no longer see them as thinking/feeling humans but more as one-dimensional pantomime villains. One common rubric I use to find a remedy for a client in such situations is ‘dwelling on past disagreeable occurrences’.

The holistic way of approaching this matter is to see that people and situations that happen ‘to us’ are a mirror to ourselves. No, it doesn’t mean that you are a horrible person, it just means that you are not judging yourself correctly. To illustrate this, when you feel on top of the world or in love you temporally become immune to adverse circumstances/people in your life. It would be even more beneficial if this was a permanent state of affairs.

I was reminded of this myself a couple of years ago. I used to find myself regularly in situations such as social gatherings where relative strangers would suddenly ‘attack’ me because I was a homeopath.  Their accusations were that I was doing very dangerous things to people such as giving them false hope and telling them not to take medication, whilst taking their money. This stirred up feelings of guilt and victimisation because I had not initiated the argument.

I knew I had to stop being angry and upset with the person, as this would perpetuate the drama inside me. Instead I let the situation tell me what I believed about myself that didn’t help me – which was that I felt responsible for other’s feelings and well-being, and I was scared if they were not happy with me. Once I could see this belief that I held clearly, it became obvious to me that it simply wasn’t true. Then it became easy to ditch this belief about myself, which made me feel much lighter and freer in all encounters with other people. I no longer had to engineer my circumstances in life so much in order to feel ok.

I work with my clients to help eliminate their emotional buttons, so that they become immune to the dramas that others wish to engage in. In doing so it can be seen that there is no need to improve ourselves (as many self-help books advocate), because once we get rid of our false beliefs of who we are meant to be, we see that we are already perfect! then we can start redefining who we really want to be – see Are you getting what you want out of life?

So one path to heal old upsets that have never been resolved is to allow yourself to be out of your emotional comfort-zone AKA Christmas family gatherings and use this as a learning tool to overcome past traumas and incorrect beliefs about yourself.

Whose running your life?

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Are you the type of person that finds yourself doing things that you didn’t want to do, just because you didn’t want to upset someone else? We could end up ‘bending over backwards’ for our clients, children, partners, friends, because, let’s be frank, you’ve allowed their agenda to take over your own!

Afterwards, of course, you feel irritated with them and annoyed with yourself when you’ve wasted all that time and effort for something that has no value to you. You become defensive, because you know that the people around you take advantage of your good-nature, by making you feel guilty. Sounds familiar? As a ‘people-person’ myself, this has been the bane of my life so I’ve seen this as a major problem to be solved. And solved it must be because resentment is a toxic emotion, and if prolonged, can cause health problems.
I spent the first part of my childhood in Germany and the second part in Britain, which gave me an insight into both cultures.
British people tend to edit what they think to sound acceptable to others, so communication can be not so upfront at times.
German people tend to put facts before feelings, so, although seeming ‘brutally honest’ they get things done!
Excuse the stereotyping, but it just illustrates a point!
I could see the pros and cons of both forms of communication: the unvarnished truth on the one hand and being sensitive to others on the other. So how can we get the ‘best of both worlds’?Answer: The Assertiveness Technique.
Assertiveness enables you to be in tune with both your owns needs and the others needs EQUALLY  leading to greater harmony and creative synergy. In other words you can bring out the best in each other without the need for manipulation. Most importantly the person who uses this technique will become more in tune with their own desires and needs, making them feel more empowered and respected, enabling better health and vitality.
So, you feel when demands are put on you, you say:
I can see that you are having difficulty with XYZ and want some help. I, however, have to do ABC, so how about we try and work out a solution together that will help us both!”
Resonating rather than combating anything or anyone that we think is bad or wrong in our lives will enable things to improve beyond our expectations. This principle, used by homeopaths, is known as ‘like cures like’.